Being Busy Is A Choice

In 2013 I met a man named Jerry. I met him as a volunteer coach in our YMCA youth basketball league, where his son played. I talked to Jerry almost every week. We talked about basketball, his family, or just normal small talk. I was always impressed by Jerry's ability to make everyone feel special, especially someone 25 years younger who was just starting out in his career.

Jerry was always in a suit when he came to practice, as he was clearly coming straight from work, but he always had a plan for practice and was always on time. On the rare occasions he had to miss, he communicated it well in advance to the parents and me and had a replacement ready. If you have ever been around rec league basketball, you know how uncommon that is. One day, another coach and I were talking and he said, "I can't believe Jerry has time to coach." Not knowing what he meant, I asked him why.

He shared that Jerry was the CEO of Fifth Third Bank. I had no idea what Jerry's role was until then, and to me he was just one of our coaches. Given this new information, I thought he might be someone I should get to know better, so I asked him if we could meet because I was looking to learn and develop in my own career and life. He graciously set up a time for me to come to his office.

During the visit, he was prepared for me to be there, we started and ended on time, and he gave me his undivided attention. He made it seem as if I was the only thing on his calendar that day. As I came in and left, I had the opportunity to watch him interact with others, and he had the same calm way of making everyone feel like they were the most important person in the room and that he was never in a rush. I am confident he had more important things on his schedule than meeting with me that day, and I am even sure something had already happened that would've made it easy for him to cancel and say he was too busy. He didn't, he showed up fully present.

Conversely, when I became an Executive Director for the first time, I had a supervisor who was the exact opposite. Everything was urgent, and meetings were constantly canceled at the last minute, so much so that I would just assume they weren't happening despite being scheduled. When we did meet, they normally started late, were interrupted by phone calls or "let me send this email real quick," and typically ended abruptly. When I would ask how they were doing, the answer was always the same: "busy." It was the complete opposite of being present.

I think we have made being busy a status symbol and use it as an explanation for being late, canceling meetings, not following through on goals, or constantly reacting to whatever is directly in front of us. Being busy isn't necessarily a reflection of how important your work is or how much responsibility you carry. Sometimes it's simply a reflection of how you've chosen to manage it.

Two people with similar responsibilities, both personally and professionally, but two completely different ways of showing up. They shaped how I view using my time and how I show up for others. It taught me that we don't always get to choose our responsibilities, but we do get to choose how we manage them and how we show up. For me, I wanted to show up more like Jerry.

So here is my challenge: the next time someone asks how you are doing, answer them truthfully without using the word "busy."

Because I can promise you, somewhere there is someone with more responsibility, more on their plate, and more reasons to be overwhelmed than you who is finding a way to manage it without making everyone around them feel how busy they are in life.